it's like iHOP with fire
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
