You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
