I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
