All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize