im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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