If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
