he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
