I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
