i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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