I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
