Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
