so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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