can we get nightvision for the apartment?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
