my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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