guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
