he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize