The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
