The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
