I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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