i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
