hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
