Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
