just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
