My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
