I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
