I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
