I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
