The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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