Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize