that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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