I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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