The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
