I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
