he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
