I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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