I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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