I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
