in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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