did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize