Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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