I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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