Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
