Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
