I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
