bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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