He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
