I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
