Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
