Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize