I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
