he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
