i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize