Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
