I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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