just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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