You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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