Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
