It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
