get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
