I can tuck mytits in my pants
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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