O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize