He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
