I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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