Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
