Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
