my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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