There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
