just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize