i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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