And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Green mimosas i think yes
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
