Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Vodka?
Forever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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