omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
