That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
