Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
