the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My room smells like vodka and shame
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
