SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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