just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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