There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
