I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
