If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
